Validation is a valuable tool in the family caregiver’s repertoire. Imagine being on the receiving end of a constant stream of negative statements. Then imagine what it feels like to hear, “I appreciate how hard this is for you. I can see that you are really trying.”

It doesn’t take long to figure out that validating statements can go a long way to supporting a loved one through difficult times.

Emotional validation is the process of learning about, understanding and expressing acceptance of another person’s emotional experience.

According to Psychology Today, “Learning how to use validation effectively takes practice.” It is also important to understand that validation does not have to mean that we agree with our loved one. Think of this skill instead as a way to recognize and understand your loved one’s thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviours.”

Examples of validating statements

• I can see that you are very (upset, sad, frightened, scared).
• Here’s what I’m hearing you say. (summarize with fact checking)
• I guess that must have been hard for you.
• I can see you are making an effort.
• I can see how hard you are working.
• Wow, that/she/he must have made you feel really angry/sad.
• I can see this is important to you.
• What a frustrating situation to be in!
• It must make you feel horrible to have someone do that.
• That’s got to be so (difficult, upsetting, frustrating, etc.) for you.
• Wow, how hard that must be.
• That really stinks!
• That’s messed up! (or stronger language if you are so inclined)
• How frustrating!
• Yeah, I can see how that might make you feel really sad.
• It makes sense you would be so upset about that.
• What a horrible feeling that must be.
• What a tough spot.
• It sounds like you feel that’s really unfair and you shouldn’t be asked to do that.
• That must be really discouraging.
• I bet you feel disappointed.
• Darn, I know how much that meant to you.
• Tell me more. (shows interest)
• I would be (upset, nervous, sad, scared, frightened) too!!
• I can see you’re overwhelmed. Let me help you with that. Can we talk?
• I know you’re scared. It’s going to be hard… and I know you will figure it out.
• That must have been very upsetting for you.
• I’m thinking this must have been (upsetting, sad, frightening, scary) for you.
• I’m thinking you must have been (upset, sad, frightened, scared, etc.)
• I would have been (upset, sad, frightened, scared, etc.) too. (self-disclosure)
• Of course… me too! I would have felt the same way. (self-disclosure)
• I don’t have the same beliefs as you but I can see this is important to you.
• We are both feeling sad… we are suffering together.
• Your suffering is my suffering (because I love you).
• Fair enough.
• You may be right!

Learn more: Understanding Validation: A Way to Communicate Acceptance.