Before I begin this story, it will help if I tell you a little about where I come from; my family, my childhood, my heritage.

I was born in Cornwall, Ontario on Nov 30th. My mom was of English descent and my dad was French Canadian. I have an irreplaceable sister who is five years my senior. And just the other day while looking through family photos, I came across a picture of my baby sister with her beautiful blue eyes. It reminded me of all the love and joy she brought to my life. Sadly, she died prematurely at 39 years old, from muscular dystrophy and other complications.

Although my parents loved and took care of sisters and me, to the best of their abilities, in our home there were confusing and inconsistent messages, and many violent episodes. When my dad drank too much alcohol, he would begin to get agitated and I would look for ways to appease him. During these times , the tension in the house would rise and I never knew what he would do. When my parents would argue, tables and chairs and people would be thrown around, and cold shivers would go through my body. I was terrified by those incidents!

While my older sister would run to the neighbors for safety, I remained at the house to protect my mother and baby sister. Once things calmed down my dad was extremely quiet and remorseful, and that made me believe my dad needed me too. As time went on I would call my mom daily to make sure she was safe. I was not aware that I was powerless over the disease of alcoholism and it’s affects.

In 1983 my mom passed away and I found a new best friend, “John Barleycorn”, otherwise known as alcohol. I also began to experience severe anxiety attacks which led me to give into depression and isolation. Many of my days and nights were spent lying in bed, full of fear. I feared I was loosing my mind, as many of my childhood issues were surfacing. I was lost and confused. At this time I went to see a doctor who helped me by inviting my father into one of our sessions. My father’s denial of his disease and his behavior towards me brought out a rage in me for the first time.

A very close friend of mine reminded me that there was a God and I was desperate enough to cry out one night, “If you really do exist God please do not let me go completely crazy. I can’t do it ! I can’t do it!”

The gut wrenching sounds coming from my chest and out of my vocal cords surprised my own ears. An hour passed and my tears would not stop falling. There seemed to be no relief from the torments in my soul.

At this time there were many changes happening in and around me. I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous and at my first meeting I heard myself say, “My name is Linda and I am an alcoholic.” Instantly, I felt a new freedom in my heart and a weight fell from my shoulders. I knew I belonged. About a year later, I was invited to attend a meeting for people who were affected by someone else’s disease – Al Anon.

This year I celebrated 30 years of continued sobriety and 29 years in Al Anon. Doing service work in both programs has been a blessing to me and hopefully others.

I have received many blessings in the last 30 years. I met my husband who has many years of sobriety, we have been married for 28 years. Other members of my family have been blessed to find sobriety.

Our family has been blessed with many years of recovery. At times things are good, at times very hard. Life happens!

I do know that ironically in my surrender, He held my heart and attitude in His hands. He could finally use me for His purpose.

—Linda C.